National Coming Out Day originated in the United States in 1987, when over 500,000 people participated in the “Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.” The movement was primarily directed at the sodomy laws still in effect and as a criticism of the U.S. government for its abysmal handling of the AIDS epidemic and those affected by it. From this movement, contributors set a goal to combat the strong LGBTIQ+ hostility in the country. Through the efforts of Robert Eichberg, a gay psychologist and activist, and Jean O’leary*, a lesbian activist and founder of Lesbian Feminist Liberation, one of the first lesbian activist groups, Coming Out Day was created and would henceforth be celebrated every October 11, beginning in 1988. At the same time, the organization of the same name “National Coming Out Day” was founded.

The organization received high media attention already in its first years after foundation. The logo, designed by Keith Haring, was displayed in all parts of the USA. In the beginning, this day was celebrated in 18 states, then in all US states and now internationally for several years. In 1993, the movement and the organization “Human Rights Campaign” joined forces. Since then, it has been able to attract many prominent faces to its campaigns such as Melissa Etheridge, RuPaul Charles and many more… Today, Coming Out Day has become an integral part and holiday of the community.

“Most people think they don’t know anyone gay or lesbian, and in fact everybody does, (…) It is imperative that we come out and let people know who we are and disabuse them of their fears and stereotypes.” – Robert Eichberg (1993)

Why is Coming Out Day still important today?

For many queer people, their own coming out plays a defining role in their lives. The term became popular during the Stonewall riots of 1969, in which queer people, especially BIPoc trans people, fought back against ongoing, unexplained police violence. Of course, even before the term became popular, there were many people who were coming out (under a different term).

During coming out, we can distinguish between inner and outer coming out. Inner coming out describes the process in which individuals realize that they identify as non-heterosexual and/or as non-cisgender. The duration of this process is very individual and does not necessarily occur once.

Outer coming out occurs when individuals decide to communicate their sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender with the outside world- often beginning with friends, family, and acquaintances. However, contrary to popular belief, external coming out is a long-term and recurring process, i.e. a person rarely comes out just once, but regularly comes out to the outside world because the majority society assumes a cis-heteronormative identification.

What prevents people from coming out? 

Quite simply: their outside world – i.e. the people around them; the conditions in which a person lives; threatening consequences; fears; and many other reasons. Even in the workplace, many people have reasons for not coming out at work, for example, because they are afraid it might hurt their career, they feel they might be stereotyped, or that coming out might put other people in an embarrassing situation-because there are still many people who do not accept different sexual orientations, gender identities, or genders. Through days like these, as well as through education and awareness, the goal is for people to be able to talk openly about themselves without fear of consequences. Statistics show that a lot of development is still needed: only every third person had a coming out in their working life. Interestingly, younger people are more likely to hide their queer identification (again) – for fear of negative consequences, such as being denied career advancement opportunities.

Through this day, we all want to contribute together so that every person can come out and not have to hide- and we can get one step closer to that by enabling a world where every person can be who they want to be.

Tip: it is usually enough to say thank you for trusting a person to come out – intimate questions (When did you know for yourself? Do your parents know? etc.) are not appropriate here.